OMG WHAT DID I JUST DO???

So I was all set to ignore the cakes... but then I decided WTH, eat half my lunch and a slice of cake. The twinkie guy did it. So I went into the work kitchen and cut a HUGE slice of cake and went to my office and sat down and took the first big bite and thought WTF am I doing?!?

So I ate a few bites and threw about 2/3 of what I served myself away. I enjoyed it- I don't feel guilty, but I am surprised at how I almost jumped. I would not have enjoyed eating the whole slice more than I enjoyed the few bites.

It wasn't even that good, to be honest. I would have enjoyed a bowl of my own home made chocolate pudding more. Oh well, back to life.

I'll have a nice dinner and some fruit this evening and all is well with the world.

Aaaack!

The cakes are still there! Can I make it through the day without one? Can I work a slice into my calorie count (ie eat a slice of cake instead of lunch)? SHOULD I?

No. Of course I shouldn't. Therefore I won't. Why shouldn't I? Because that slice of cake isn't even THAT good. I mean it is good, don't get me wrong, but very sweet and... hey! They sell the cutest little two-bite versions of all their cakes at the bakery. Why don't I have a bite of cake?? The first bite is the bite that is good. The first bite is the one that makes you melt. There is no rule that you must take a whole SLICE.

So I will see how I feel later. If I really want some, I will have a bite.

BUT do you know what I REALLY want? I want to be able to climb the climbing wall at the science center. My bf lovingly pointed out that, despite my superior arm strength, I am just too bottom heavy, which throws off my center of gravity-- That it shouldn't bother me- no one can be good at everything. GRRRRRR.

Chocolate cake vs climbing wall. Which would bring me more pleasure?

Non-gym day. It's saturday, I am at the office. Blah. I'll take a break during my day for a walk.

Dinner tonight:

Grilled Cheese, soup, salad

Exercise:

30 minutes walking

caught between a torte and a layer cake

Made it through the day... even with my two favorite cakes from Prantl's- chocolate sour cream and burnt almond torte in the work fridge. I texted Scott and his response : Have a slice- you deserve it. Grrrrr. At least I know he loves me as I am! Honestly I wasn't really tempted, though.

I DID give in an bought a mocha on the way to a work meeting I knew would be painful... But I got a small with skim, so not too crazy. Plus the meeting was in another building, so I also had a half hour walk... keeping me well within my calorie limits.

I'm tired right now- but had a trying day, so it's not a surprise.

Going strong...

Day 2 of vegetarianesque eating... bf gave in last night, and I don't think it's a big deal. The only difference between our meals is that he had meatballs and I had black beans. It was all his idea to start with, though, lol! But I feel good.

Yesterday was holiday party day at work. I had the delicous veggie lasagna and chocolate cake--but stayed in my calorie budget for the day. Bf & I went to gym last night and I went again this morning. I workout twice as much as he does, and probably eat less than he does... and you can really see a change in him already after one week at the gym :( I mean I am happy for HIM, but it's just not fair! My jeans are still tight grrrr

Our morning routine may be changing and I am a bit worried about how it might affect my workout, but it should be okay, since my new plan is NOT routine dependent. I think that has been one of my downfalls in the past. I need something flexible enough that changes will not ruin it.

Reading the successes of others has been helping a lot. Seeing that people do different things to reach the same goal I have- various amounts and types of exercise, various ways of eating- as long as you are burning more than you consume, you are going to lose; and as long as you are consistent, you are going to reach your goal.

For instance ... Do I approve of such a plan?? Eating twinkies 3x/day? No. Do I really think it will make him healthier than if he were eating whole foods? Not a chance- BUT he lost weight. Now, weight is only ONE marker of health- but it just proves my theory that a calorie deficit is the bottom line for weight loss. Is health about more than weight loss? Absolutely. Is my goal to eat mostly whole foods? Yes.

Exercise:
7:00 am 20 mins Cross Trainer

Dinner tonight:
Grilled Polenta & Tuscan veggies with tomato sauce

I'm back, We're back, no holding back, no turning back

Alright. I am back. No more false starts. No more excuses.

Ah- the changes since last post... Apparently all he wanted was a break. Woops. I took "break up" differently than he... dated again, tried to move on. Two months of pain for us both and we realized we love each other and want to be together forever. We are back together and bought a house. So I guess it doesn't get much more serious... but we're ready for it now. And whatever may have been missing is certainly not now. No holding back.

So... I have him coming along to the gym and I have my routine locked in place, but more importantly I have made a committment that transcends routine. I have to stick to what works (burn more than you consume SO SIMPLE!!) regardless of what is going on in my life. EVERY day.

Having his company at the gym was fun for me- In almost all areas I out work him. Having him there sparks a competitive streak in me that makes me move faster, longer, and smile while I do it. It is also fun and I end up doing a different variety of things than when alone. But I am not going to count on these workouts as the focus of my goals- these are like icing and just for fun. But I cannot get dependent on them because if he misses, I need to stay focused.

I have goals- and we have goals- that require a level of fitness I haven't quite reached. But I am determined.

We are doing a week of vegetarian eating. I think it will be fun. For today I made some home made hummus which we both loved. I want to be careful to not replace the meat with other high calorie foods like carbs and dairy. So easy to just pile on the cheese! I want to learn to make new things- like tofu and falafel.

The weather has gotten blustery and I just want to hibernate. I am trying to turn my attitude around and anticipate trying new things like cross country skiing...