Blahfulness

I feel blah....

Headache, body aches, tired. When I sit still, I feel like I am sinking into the floor--not a heaviness, but almost a dizzy/floaty feeling? Have also been getting some tinnitus or something past few days. Yesterday I was so sleepy all day. After visiting with my son, I fell asleep at 4:30 and didn't wake until 6:30. Have been staying up too late and having trouble sleeping, could it be that simple? Mild sore throat, though, too, so maybe picked up one of the colds I have been exposed to.

Brings a dilema- do I push myself or allow myself a break. Am I being lazy and in need of coercion; or sick/rundown and in need of recovery? I think I'll push forward, but keep it light. Consistency, after all, is the key. If I can put in my hours, even if not at my optimum level, then when I have my strength, power, focus regained, I can easily pick up the pace... if I stop completely it can be hard or impossible to get back into the groove.

Chose today- rainy and dreary- as the day to start taking the bus to work. I can ride free, but it's $10/day if I drive and park. The parking far away was not working (more in tickets than if had I paid for parking, thanks to obscure parking regs :- ). So, I am looking at it as paying myself $10/day to ride the bus.

Took the last three days "off" from my health routines. Why?!? I don't know. I just couldn't stop eating and feel like a sloth. I did make SOME good choices in that time, just not good enough. And it doesn't leave me more satisfied, more energized, happier in any sense. Avoiding the scale for a few days so I don't get discouraged. I do feel under the weather, but also noticed I had these same feelings- but nowhere close to this degree, last month, so it could be cyclical.

Mother's day was nice this year. Last year it was painful-- The day my son had chosen to cut off communication- a move that lasted 6 months and almost killed me. But both of my children are in flux and it worries me. Though I hear him saying things now- things that I know he learned from me, and I am happy that I had some positive influence-- but OMG the mistakes I regret. I can't take them back.

Free lunch today at work if I walk to main campus... have food here, but also considering the cafe next door. Craving eggs. But whatever I choose, I will stay in my limit. I can eat anything I want and stay within my limits and see success if I am mindful.

Avoiding a number of unpleasant work/school related tasks. Sigh. Procrastination does not make them easier.

Want to close my door and close my eyes.

Only thing keeping me going today is taking moments out to plan the Memorial day trip. Got an email today from the cabin owner saying he got my deposit and, oh, yeah, they saw a bear the other day =