Well... Nice dinner with Scott and his daughter at my place last night. I like entertaining. I rarely cook at home any more- either heating something up at his place or eating out. We had fajitas and I have leftovers for lunch today. Tonight will be the first time we have been alone together since I mentioned the dream. He's been doing that spacing out, getting distracted, whatever when I talk more often lately. Or maybe it is just bothering me more. I know that it isn't personal, but sometimes it feels personal. I am going to either mention that it is bugging me or use some behavior management skills to decrease the frequency of it.

"I'm sorry did you say something?"
My responses: "Idk, I guess you missed out." "Well, I'm gonna go, call me when you aren't so busy or distracted."

"When you are talking, do you ever feel like I am not listening?"
"No."
"That's because what you say is important to me because I care about you."

A simple "It bugs me when you ignore me" is probably less manipulative... more straightforward. Qualities I know we both value.

Or maybe I'm just being oversensitive again :-P Or maybe I'm being selfish. He's been stressed and tired and now on top of that I'm going to be pissed because he is having trouble concentrating?

I don't want to be anyone's doormat, but I don't want to be a bitch, either... Find the balance.

And you passed your number along to some old friend... I doubt she'll call. But ugh. What are we doing? We are always together, we include each other in our future planning, why are we still looking elsewhere...? Everyone but us thinks we are dating. Are you giving your number out because you aren't interested in me or because you think I am not interested in you. I did, afterall, say that, but do you really think a no in December holds true through April? Or has your interest waned?

I need to know because I am afraid to be rejected, to make myself vulnerable.

Are we going anywhere? If the only place we are going is here, that's okay, I'm happy here... I'd just like to know how to pack up my baggage.

Ate too much yesterday- stayed within my calorie limits, but only because I got a great workout in.

You know, I look at myself at times--in pictures or in the mirror-- and think I am beautiful... and other times I see myself as frumpy, fat, and (almost) 40.